Nothing, Really

It's half-past midnight and I have an 8am class tomorrow (International Relations, in case you were wondering, though I'm sure you weren't), but sleep is distant. My brain is awake, and there's nothing to be done for that. 

I'm not sure why I thought it would be a good idea to post on this deserted blog at this time. I was thinking about the "Tie That Binds" entry and came back and read it a few times over... I don't know why that wasn't enough; just to read it and then go play some dumb game on my phone til my eyes crossed (I'm all about Two Dots, personally). Maybe I just noticed that I haven't posted in a while and thought I should. Or maybe I was so haunted by rereading that post that I felt I had to sort out my feelings or something. I don't know. The exhausted brain works in mysterious ways. 

Well, I suppose I should mention that I'm back at St. Olaf after a long summer of waffling about and trying to decide if returning was worth the risk of crashing and burning, or if I was ready to go back at all. Anyway, here I am, thanks to my parents' generosity toward the education we all hope I'll get. That is, we hope I'll get it without any more visits to the psychiatric ward. 

I've finally started organ lessons. My skills going in were rudimentary at best, but I'm quickly making great strides. That's not to brag; that's to say that not only do I study with a very fine instructor, but study of the organ feels far more natural to me than study of piano ever did. When I first sat down to practice on the tracker organ in the recital hall, it felt as if I should have been there my entire life. Practicing is so gratifying, too. I feel my body slowly beginning to fit into the sleeve of an organist. My very first organ shoes are coming in the mail soon. I'm almost fit to be a real musician now. Every person to call himself a musician should study organ. The organ makes use of the entire human body and strings together the senses in a manner unlike any other instrument or form of musicianship. Mozart was quite correct in his assertion that the organ is "the king of instruments". That was probably the only thing Mozart was ever correct about in his short life. (Go on, ask me how I feel about Mozart.)

I also joined one of the non-first-year choirs. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, but more on that later. And I'm back in chamber choir. Those rehearsals remain my favorite parts of the week, mostly because early music, but I also really like to sing in chamber ensembles, and Therees is a great person with whom to do so. 

My head is hurting. Time to stop looking at a screen. Goodnight.